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Tuesday, November 24, 2015

type 8 Homo sapiens: the vampire personality


If I could extract from you every Joule of energy by the action of a lever, I would not hesitate to press it down as long as you have breath in your lungs. Alas, I cannot take anything by force, but must manipulate you into offering it as an act of freewill. You might still think I would prefer to drink your blood, but I would not. No, no, no, there is no medium more effective to channel energy from your bosom into mine than the medium of human emotion.

Human emotions are subtle and manifold. Some are intense like rage, some seemingly dull, like apathy. But an emotion’s conductivity is not measured by its extravagance or “loudness”; it’s measured by its negativity. All conductive emotions are negative. There are no known positive conductive emotions. This is not to say that positive emotions do not have merit. They can sometimes serve as a springboard from which to send you plummeting to depths you would not otherwise sink to. Only from such depths could I extract from you certain samples of human hopelessness and despair. But such techniques must be employed with caution: these depths are not bottomless; there is always death, and a dead man produces no emotion of any kind, positive or negative.  

Let’s keep it simple.

To begin, you must be sure to place your man at a constant disadvantage (men and women alike). Caloric extraction works rather like electricity: there must be a positive and negative pole for the current to flow in any direction. To ensure that it flows in yours, you must maintain your man in a permanent state of disadvantage. By contrast, you yourself must always be positive. At the very least, outwardly; what you feel inside is of no consequence. You must always seem upbeat and winning, while your man must always, in some fashion or other, be losing. To highlight this, you must on occasion extend to him a straw for him to clutch at; it might serve to heave him partially out of the swirling water, but only so long as to give a positive emotional fluctuation. This is to be catalytic at best, but never let it lead him to safety. By definition the straw must break. How soon you wish this to occur is left to your discretion.  

The preferred emotional bracket is fear, anxiety, despair, longing and guilt. These are most readily accessible.  It is beyond the scope of this exposé to comment on all of these in detail. Suffice to say that each emotion has its particular wavelength, intensity and taste. Much as you may prefer fish over meat, I too have my preferences. I tend to go for the “stickier” emotions; emotions that enforce a certain adhesion or dependency… on ME. To wit: guilt and longing.

Guilt is perhaps my favorite. It is, indeed, practically a lever I can push down, so easily is it fabricated, so easily multiplied. There is no fonder taste than the taste of guilt. Saccharin and bitter at once. It is not even necessary for your man to squirm under it; it is quite enough to watch him drop his head at his imaginary wrongdoing. The procedure is simple: anything you do is to be minimized with one of a hundred pat justifications. Anything your man does is slipped under the magnifying glass and blown out of proportion. It is important to constantly harp on a selected grievance, regardless its pertinence or truth. Repetition is key. Lay down the narrative; work it hard and then draw down the guilt straight into your gullet. Yum. Oh, and one more thing: never, ever, ever forgive.

Longing. This is a wonderful tactic and can provide a heady flow of emotional calorie. However, it may require that you interact with your man en nature. Let us not beat around the bush: you must be intimate, as you must instate physical longing. Once in place, it is quite wonderful and vampiric. You will watch him grovel and act like a monkey and be quite beside himself with desire, and it will be child’s play to squeeze out of him any measure of caloric bounty. The procedure is elegant and simple: never offer anything; shun as a matter of course, but in random and infrequent instances open up in a show of abandon. This will place your man on a wrong footing and lay him bare to wholesale vampirism. These Joules can be sour, at times even vitriolic, but they are perhaps the finest.

The pallet is so much broader than the above, and there are many sub-emotions as succulent as these headliners, but the principles for extraction are the same: it is a zero sum game; always remain on the right side the zero; smile a lot and win.  

Good luck.

type 123456, 7