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Monday, January 13, 2014

sisters and brothers

On this day, your day of birth, you are zero and have no life. I do not mean this ironically. It’s just numbers. You have not lived a day and thus you have no life. Others around you have lived, but this does not make them superior. On the contrary, they look at you with hope and wonder, convinced you will not fuck up as they have. For this reason and this reason alone - at this particular point in history - you are superior.

Do not let it get to your head, though, little man. It’s just the current state of their thinking. Your whole life will be about what you think and what other people think, not what is. You think you have entered a world of things; you have not. You have entered a world of opinions and considerations.

Welcome.

Case in point: the big tall guy, a gentleman in all outward appearance, is in his mind a cripple, barely kept up by a matrix of internalized excuses and justifications. Look at his eye, there you will see a dull flicker. You see that? You don’t want that. That’s your dad. Nice guy, but you don’t want that.

That small dude opposite, that’s your brother. He will show you the ropes. He’s a mischievous little rascal with a weird sense of humor, but his heart’s in the right place. He will always mean you well. Follow him. One day, you will wake up, your throat tied in a knot, your insides near collapse, and your mind scattered to the wind. He will be there. He will hold you up. Follow him.

But do not concern yourself with this now. For the time being you will get acquainted with the basics: light, color, touch, smell and such things, and this will be more than you can handle. Plus you will be assaulted with needs that were hitherto addressed through automaticities. Those days are over amigo. You will need to speak your mind now. Start exercising your vocal cords. Do not be shy or your needs will not be met. For this you will mostly be dealing with her. You cannot see her because you are a lying on top of her, but that is your mother. No further comment. I’ll let you discover her on your own.

As for me -  a final word -  I too look at you with hope and wonder, but with one difference: I know you will fuck up. And when you do - let me tell you this now in case I forget later - you can count on me, little brother.

I am your older sister. Welcome home.